My Final Insomnia Solution

I hope I have found my final insomnia solution.  I bought a child size weighted blanket.  I was afraid I would not be able to handle an adult size blanket one-handed.  The small size means it covers me only from the waist down.  I do not think I would be comfortable having that extra weight on my chest.  Bottomline: I occasionally wake up at 3:30 A.M., but I sleep 6 to 8 hours most nights.  A friend also ordered a child size weighted blanket and reported the same results.  The calming effect of the extra weight is not just hype.

Are Sadness and Anger Bad?

The holiday season often evokes strong feelings.  I used to think positive emotions like joy and love are good while negative emotions like sadness and anger are bad.  Now I believe that how I react to my emotions is what is good or bad.  When I let moments of joy fly past me unnoticed because I am pre-occupied by internal mental chatter it is bad.  When I stop what I am doing and take a few seconds to appreciate when I am happy it is good.  When I rerun upsetting episodes in my head it is bad.  When I use anger to propel me towards a solution it is good.

When I was young I had the tremendous energy it takes to sustain emotional drama.  A stroke took away the energy I need to stay upset for a long time.  Being snubbed recently reminded me of how intense emotions can be.  I was upset the day I was snubbed.  By the next day -- not so much.        By the third day I remembered letting this person upset me gives her power.  By the fourth day I remembered I was upset for decades when I was young but can not remember most of what upset me.  Hence the irritating platitude -- this too shall pass.  

How I react to my emotions is a conscious choice, but I forget this again and again.  Fortunately, as I get older I remember this insight sooner and suffer less.  homeafterstroke.blogspot.com

Keeping My Christmas Spirit

This is a photo of the artificial Christmas tree my friend John put together every year since my stroke.  Placing a small folding chair next to this big tree meant I could sit close and lean forward instead of leaning down to decorate the bottom half.  However, decorating this six foot tree is tiring.  Since fatigue is one of my triggers for falling I ordered a small table top tree.

I enjoy seeing the 3 kings, shepherd, and sheep visiting the Christ child.  I made these figures years ago when my hobby was needlecraft.  I also love the tiny pink and blue Christmas tree balls.  I am amazed by how happy small things make me.

After two years I gave my big tree and normal-sized decorations to my church for their annual sale that raises money for local charities.    homeafterstroke.blogspot.com

Saved by the 80% Rule

Ironing aprons after the Spring Sale at my church reminded me of a pleasant childhood memory.  I remembered when my mom taught me to iron by having me iron handkerchiefs.  This was a simple task I did successfully the very first time.  However, it is easier to get wrinkles out of a handkerchief than an apron.  Fortunately these aprons do not have to be ironed perfectly because they will be stacked in a box until next year and will come out a little wrinkled anyway. 

This got me thinking about the 80% rule.  Business managers use the 80% rule to keep down costs.  Some tasks that are 80% correct do not affect the bottom line while others have to be closer to perfect.  The rule says you need to think about striving for perfection because the last 20% requires nearly as many resources as the first 80%.  Business managers are paid to decide when a company should spend extra resources to approach perfection.  I wish I had known about the 80% rule when I was married.  When my husband did not smooth out the bedspread perfectly I would have known  this is an acceptable business practice.

I do not know where I got the idea that ALL work has to be done perfectly ALL the time.  I used to be a perfectionist, but now I think perfection should be a conscious choice rather than a habit.  

I live alone so when I am exhausted or frustrated I use the 80% rule.  homeafterstroke.blogspot.com

Fatigue is a Deal Breaker

The fatigue I felt for the first year after my stroke was unlike anything I had ever experienced.  

I repeatedly felt a crushing fatigue that I could not push through.  When I did not rest, I could barely hold my head up after dinner.  Using a timer to force myself to rest was annoying because it would go off at the worst time.  Watching TV turned me into a zombie who could not stop clicking the remote because nothing good was on at the moment.  I tried reading and going on the Internet, but I got so absorbed in these activities that sitting for long periods made me tired.  I found two strategies that work for me. 

(1) Brief rests before the fatigue overwhelms me.  Lying on top of the bedspread with a towel under my shoes does not feel like I am going back to bed.  I lie down for fifteen minutes without having to get undressed.  (2)  Energy conservation.  For example, I divided doing dishes into 3 steps.  

Step 1: Empty dishwasher - rest 5 minutes.  Step 2: Take clean dishes to the appropriate cabinet with a cart.  I did not have to repeatedlty carry heavy stacks of dishes from the dishwasher to each cabinet - rest 5 minutes.  Step 3: Load dishwasher.  I have a double sink so I use one sink as a staging area to hold dirty dishes until I need to wash them.    

GOOD NEWS: My crushing fatigue faded after the first year!    homeafterstroke.blogspot.com

Working Smarter Instead of Harder

I get reader's fatigue when they read my long procedural posts like Bathing Can Be Exhausting,
I Am the Queen of Velcro, Applying Make-up One-handed, and Things You Don't Learn in Driving Rehab.  However, modifying even 1 or 2 steps makes life easier which reduces frustration.  The good news is repetition turns long adapted procedures into a routine I do not have to think about.  Repetition is a gift that keeps on giving.    homeafterstroke.blogspot.com

Solutions for My Extreme Sleep Deprivation

I have had insomnia all my life, but my stroke brought this problem to a new level.  I had a stroke in the brainstem which puts us to sleep and wakes us up. Since my stroke I have repeatedly had nights where I get only two hours of sleep per night.  When I did not sleep and did not feel sleepy for two days I FREAKED OUT so I got aggressive about addressing this problem.

Daytime routine.  I avoid caffeine after lunch time.  This meant changing to decaffinated iced tea for dinner and drinking water when I eat out at night.

Bedroom environment.  I sleep in a dark bedroom with no TV.  The alarm clock is placed where I cannot see it.  Sometimes I wake up and find I am sweating.  So I lowered the room temperature because a lower body temperature tells the brain to sleep. 

Preparing for bed.  If I am sleepy at 9 p.m. I go to bed.  If I wake up in the middle of the night at least I have slept for 4 or 5 hours because I went to bed early.  If I am still wide awake at 10 p.m.
I go to war.  I turn off the TV, wash my face and brush my teeth, and come back to the living room to listen to a calming CD.  If my body aches I take Tylenol.  The constant burning in my hemiplegic foot keeps me awake so I provide a competing sensation by taking a warm gel pack to bed.

Back up plans.  (1) If I lay in bed and cannot fall asleep, I get up and eat a tiny bowl of cereal with milk.  (2) If I wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and cannot fall asleep, I get up and turn on a calming CD or a fan at a low volume for background noise.  These back up strategies work only IF I realize I have been lying awake for an hour or more.  homeafterstroke.blogspot.com