My Dreams Have Changed

My dreams have changed over the years.  As a young woman my 1st dream was to get married and have a family.  But I was not able to have children and my husband did not want to adopt.  Thank God I got a scholarship to a master's program in occupational therapy. That degree allowed me to support myself without needing to work two jobs after I got divorced.  This helped me achieve my 2nd dream of financial security as a single woman.

My 2nd husband liked to travel so my 3rd dream was to see the world.  I have precious memories of Paris, London, New Orleans, Prince Edward Island, the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone National Park, and Alaska.  An actor in a commercial asked "When we are on our deathbed will we regret what we didn't buy or the experiences we missed?"  I have thrown away many of the items I bought but my memories of traveling still make me happy.

Moving into an independent living community has given me a 4th dream.  Except for short visits with family and friends, I have not been around people every day since a stroke forced me to retire 18 years ago.  After retiring I had intermittent social contact at my breakfast club, church, and dinners and day trips with friends.  However, after spending 2 years in isolation because of covid I crave human contact.  I do not expect to form deep friendships, but covid taught me how comforting it is to have someone say "hello."  I might even learn what I am thinking when I hear what I say to other people.  homeafterastroke.blogspot.com

A Window Into My Soul

For a month I have worked hard to get rid of many possessions before I move to an independent living facility in Michigan.  A friend has loaded up my car five times with things to donate and put possessions on the curb on four garbage days.  This friend has expressed remorse about some of my decisions to get rid of stuff.  Today I realized why I have been steadfast and relentless about my decisions to get rid of so many possessions.

For 18 years I have been living in a spacious home that makes me happy.  I would be depressed if I saw boxes stacked against the living room and bedroom walls of my apartment because they do not fit in my walk-in closet.  

Getting a bigger apartment to store my stuff would use money I could spend on fun activities, like going on a tour of a local winery and hearing great musicians drawn to perform in Kalamazoo by the big music department at Western Michigan University.  

On my deathbed I believe I am going to regret the things I did not do rather than the possessions I gave away. homeafterstroke.blogspot.com

Reasons for Letting Go

I am getting ready to move to an independent living facility in Michigan and have spent the last three weeks giving nice things to charity and throwing others in the garbage.  Living in 9 different residences in 5 different states over the years has given me plenty of practice with the process of letting go of objects.  Early moves when I was in my twenties taught me to think about getting rid of belongings that my husband and I never took out of boxes since the previous move.  

I am also motivated to let go by the high cost of facilities for old people.    I used graph paper to plot the small apartment I can afford and put my furniture in it.  I  learned I have to get rid of more than I anticipated.  Every piece of furniture has to do double duty.  For example, my small kitchen table will be used as a desk and a breakfast table.  My small bookcase will hold belongings I used to keep in the big buffet below and a big roll top desk.  My radio/CD player will sit on top of the bookcase. 

The payback for a stressful move is that I will be in a safe environment and be closer to my family.  homeafterstroke.blogspot.com

Donning a Bra One-Handed

Women with small breasts have the last laugh.  I need a bra because my large breasts are closer to my waist than I thought was possible.  Being able to don a bra means I do not have to go to dinner at a friend's house and say "Could you fasten my bra when I get there."  Living alone makes social occasions a source of happiness I do not want to give up.

In sitting, I put the hook end in front of my stomach.  To keep the bra still, I fasten a clothes pin to the hook end and tuck the free end of the clothes pin under the elastic band of my underpants.  Then I flip the free end of the bra behind me until both ends are in front.          I hook the 1st hook, remove the clothes pin, and hook the remaining clasps.  It it not enough to rake the hooks over the clasps.  I have to press down on each clasp to make it slip under the hook.  I turn the bra around and put my arms* in the straps.  Then I lean over to get my breasts fully in the bra cups.   

*Putting bra on - affected arm goes in first.  Taking bra off - affected arm comes out last.

In the winter, I keep the bra straps from repeatedly slipping off the dry skin on my shoulders by putting a small dab of lotion on a Kleenex tissue.  Then I use a Q-tip swab to transfer the lotion to the top of each shoulder.  Aveeno lotion with oatmeal creates friction.  In summer when my skin is dewy with sweat, it is easier to turn the bra around if I shake a light coating of corn starch along the bottom elastic band before I don the bra.  homeafterstroke.blogspot.com

I Am Losing the Will to Live - Again

I lost my will to live after my stroke when I was kept inside for 3 months except when my home health PT took me for a walk outside.  I learned I cannot stay sane if all I do is stare at the outside world through a window.  I was imprinted on the natural world as a child because we did not have a TV until I was a teenager and the Internet had not been invented yet.  As soon as I got home from school I went ouside to play.  If only two children were available to play baseball, we invented rules for imaginary players on base.  If I was alone I played hopscotch, practiced throwing a basketball at the hoop, or rode my bike.  As an adult I went camping with friends, jogged outdoors in all seasons, tended a vegetable garden, and took vacations in national parks.  My most vivid vacation memory is riding a mule down into the Grand Canyon.

This hot, humid summer meant I lost the opportunity to walk around my neighborhood, sit on my patio to watch the clouds rolling out to sea, and feel a cool breeze on my face at the lake in Mercer County Park.  At sunset I missed watching pairs of birds racing each other down the middle my street at car height or playing "I can push you off the telephone wire if I land one inch from where you are sitting."  I realized how deep my depression is when my friend Janet talked about a book that describes about how we developed a relationship with nature for tens of thousands of years of human evolution.  The book is called The Moth Snowstorm by Michael McCarthy.  

Michael reminded me that nature can both stun and gradually soothe me until I fall silent.  I do not mean I just stop talking.  I mean nature can stop the constant chatter I create in my head but forget is there because it is so constant.  Covid has turned a lot of my internal chatter into catastrophic thinking which is depressing.  I need to find ways to get nature back in my life because I know it has a powerful effect on me.  homeafterastroke.blogspot.com

Tiny Habits

Fogg explains how to make my life easier after a stroke (1).  He says Behavior = Motivation + Ability + Prompt (MAP).  Motivation is unreliable because it comes in waves that vary from day to day, morning to evening, and even minute to minute.  Motivation also fails because it is usually attached to outcomes like saving $500.  An outcome is not a behavior I promise to do.  Finally, motivation can be highjacked by the "go big or go home" philosophy.   

A is for ability which is how much skill the task requires.  Stroke survivors and caregivers can find ways to make a task easier by reading blogs and books written by stroke survivors (see About Me page and my Blog List on the right side bar).  Although I am an OT sometimes I need help solving a problem.  However, an OT or PT evaluation never identifies all my concerns.  I start every new round of therapy by walking in the door with a list of problems I want them to solve.

P is for prompt.  Prompts like to-do lists and calendar alerts on my iphone are SO easy to ignore.  Fogg and I believe in the power of established routines to trigger a new behavior.  The tricky part of using an established behavior to prompt a new behavior is finding what Fogg calls the trailing edge of an old behavior.  For example, I kept forgetting to put drops in my eye after eating breakfast.
I did not succeed until I discovered the last thing I do after breakfast is rinse my cereal bowl.
Now I rinse the bowl and think about using eyedrops to rinse my eye after my recent cataract surgery.  "After breakfast" was too vague.   homeafterastroke.blogspot.com

1.  Fogg BJ.  Tiny Habits.  New York: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt; 2020.