I alternated between sheer terror and wanting arthroscopic knee surgery. At three in the morning I would wake up with a feeling of dread that I would have another stroke. Yet the pain and fatigue I feel and the slow walking I have to do all day tells me surgery is necessary. I used to be able to walk five steps from my bed to my en suite bathroom in my bare feet with no cane. Now I have to take small steps with the help of a quad cane. I have to be vigilant when I take the first two steps every time I stand up because this is when I feel a sharp pain that can make my knee collapse.